May 4th 2009
Dear Ross,
I am a good looking female. The problem is, I am a 21 year old virgin. Should I just give up or what?! -my condoms are past expiration date
A good looking 21-year-old virgin, hmm? I think I have an idea that will be beneficial to us both. See, you want to lose your virginity, and I want some content for my new website: RossCherryBusters.com
Only kidding! Delving into your psyche, I would say that you do not want to have sex yet. As an attractive college girl, losing your virginity should be as easy as getting tipsy at Ladies' Night. Meaning that I believe your problem isn't due to lack of opportunity, but because of personal choice. Rather than losing your virginity in a drunken Spring Break screwing, you are perhaps waiting for a more meaningful experience.
That said, I'll be waiting for you at the Motel 6 with my camcorder and a 12-pack of Bud Lite.
Dear Ross,
My mom thinks I do drugs. How do I convince her that I don't? -innocent child
It is natural for mothers to worry about the well-being of their offspring. Sometimes their worries, perhaps unfounded, can take the form of accusations. However, there are a few key things you can do to keep her suspicions to a minimum and convince her that you are flying right:
- Do NOT run your bong in the same dishwasher load as your mother's fine china.
- Frequently borrowing your mother's silver tea tray for late-night parties may be pushing it a little bit.
- Even though the kitchen is the perfect place to execute your crystal meth recipe, it is best to wait until your mother is finished making dinner.
- Never, under any circumstances, offer your mother a cup of your delicious mushroom tea.
- Do NOT ask your mother to give you backrubs and wave glowsticks in front of your face to the rhythm of throbbing techno.